hello blog hit spike, thy name is microcosm/joe biel/abuse/alex wrekk/boycott… or any combination of them.

So, some of you may know about my history with Microcosm Publishing and Joe Biel. And, if you don’t, you can read this post here.

At the very end of last year a supposed public statement from Microcosm was posted here.

I posted my response here.

Well, a new statement was actually posted on the Microcosm site here.

I would suggest your read it if you are interested and please leave a comment about it if you can. I think it would be helpful.

I’m going to close this post with a quote from Sparky Taylor, a former Microcosm employee, that was left in the comment section that make me very sad but sums up my feelings as well.

As a member of Microcosm for 4 years and a former partner of Joe Biel, I am sad to say that I no longer support Microcosm Publishing. I cannot support a group of people who so adamantly claim to oppose abuse, but in practice have let it continue for years. This abuse was perpetrated against me, and I have remained largely silent in hopes that Microcosm could be salvaged. I no longer believe this is possible.With much love and thankfulness to all my wonderful zine friends that I’ve kept or made along the way,

-Sparky Taylor

So, apparently Microcosm didn’t like the posts people were leaving and closed the comments. Luckily my friend saved them and I can post them here for you to see:

Comments

avatar Derek Neuland 0 seconds ago
Not true regGreg, if Microcosm had addressed and cleared a lot of this up ages ago when they were first confronted about this, I personally would feel better about them. But sadly, they continually disregard the thoughts and requests of the people they have wronged and have used tricky wording in their statements in order to save face.

avatar Doug Taylor 2 minutes ago
I don’t think I know Jessie or Adam, but Rio, I truly feel for you. Matt, too. I know that you walked on stage in the middle of something and had no idea what was going on. I know that you have tried your best with what you were dealt and tried to move forward. But there’s a reason I haven’t gone to your store.

I just can’t.

Have you ever been hated? Have you ever hated? I don’t hate you, and I don’t hate Joe. Hating is something that takes too much of a person, and I don’t recommend it.

Instead, I just try to understand how I feel, and I think that your well intentioned message is music to my ears…. four or five years ago. I do not know what has prompted this message, but I think of the trail of wreckage, and I can’t help but think that the end has come already.

It reminds me of a country western song where the guy comes back, hat in hand, freshly shaved and sober, pleading to a second story window: “I’ve changed, darling! It’s the real me! I’m back!”

A woman’s voice shouts back: “Back again? Well just a minute……” the shutters open and two boots come flying down, nearly hitting him in his head.

“You’ll need those to put the miles between us so sorely deserved. I’ve changed, too, for I’m not the kind of girl that let’s the wolf back in. Now, GIT.”

If it’s truly quitting time at Microcosm, I suggest getting a new job as well, or maybe going back to school. I hear college is nice this time of year, maybe even better in the fall with all the leaves changing color. Can’t speak for Bloomington, but you can just about live on financial aid in Oregon if you’re thrifty. Even more financial aid is available for individuals over 24.

There is so much I don’t understand about these Microcosm communiques. Each one posted leaves me with fifty questions, or feeling even more confused than before. I don’t understand waiting until two days before Cindy’s deadline to post something on anarchist news, let alone ANYTHING important on that site. Why feed internet trolls food they have never tasted before? Why not here instead? People obviously read this site.

I am curious about what happens in the background that nobody knows except for the people that don’t want it revealed. I am weary of the very thought of dealing with people, such as Rasmussen, as mediators that survivors have already declined to work with. I am irritated that the problem is still bracketed with “accused” instead of “acknowledged” or “identified”. Even “self-professed” would be better.

I try to help when I can, and it is very difficult. Sometimes I feel like I have done a poor job. Other times, I feel like I tried to put out a forest fire with a squirt gun. This thing hasn’t really died, but life has got along well enough with really having to deal with “Microcosm Madness” all the time.

Alex has been a true friend to me, and I would be remiss if I couldn’t try to match that. I guess it is one thing to stick up for your friend, but it is something else entirely if your friend makes you constantly have to apologize for their behavior, or “almost” apologize, which is even worse. Think about that.

— Doug Taylor

avatar regGreg 12 minutes ago
Who did Rio, Jessie, Adam, and the various authors, volunteers, etc. abuse?

Think of how much more you could actually be helping victims of abuse (both in and out of your ‘radical’ circle), if this energy was direct to that goal instead of pushing forward a trial-by-mob on a zine distro and publisher based on it’s (previous?) relationship to an asshole.

It’s too little too late for many of you because there was never enough that could be done in the first place. If that’s the case you’re not here to build or better anything anyway. You’re here to help strangle the last bits of life from a project intended to push and grow a medium you purport to love. If it isn’t then maybe you should stick around to help microcosm be better than it could be otherwise.

Sounds like Rio, Jessie, and Adam are trying to put out their hand and it’s being filled with spit out of practice and stubbornness.

avatar ManDuh 1 hour ago
This is the most victim-blaming bullshit I’ve read in a long time, especially the fourth paragraph. Doesn’t sound like anyone in Microcosm wants to take responsibility for anything they’ve done. I knew there was a reason I stopped doing business with this organization.

avatar Nate. 1 hour ago
“This whole situation from beginning to end is the perfect example of what happens when people of positions of power and privilege in the radical community are left in those positions and aren’t challenged because people refuse to support each other.”
Or because they are scared of losing their jobs.
Whateve, Sparky is my homie and it really infuriated me to watch her struggle with this from the outside, and see a collective that actively promotes(!) confronting abuse WITHIN THE SCENE (or whatever) get railroaded by ONE SHITTY DUDE! Who did the EXACT same thing in another city with a different person!
You guys are fucking politicans man, you can’t trust anything you say.
Gimmie my zines back, you people are ridiculous.
I honestly wanna see this collective go down. I mean the least people can do is not support this kind of hypocrisy. They had a MILLION chances to do it right, and they didnt even come close. They didnt even try! I think if this whole shitshow went public, anybody would be shocked and enraged at how poorly this whole process went.
I say boycott, this issue hasn’t been taken seriously at all.

“the collective believes that ostracizing someone isn’t a healthy, restorative response, and we’ve struggled with accountability being more than a radical judge-and-jury trial.”
^Wow i wonder how the victims who got booted from this collective feel. Ostracized? Whatever, this statement is fucking WEAK.

I dont think theres anything left to say except BOYCOTT MICROCOSM.

Love the rest of yall. Thats it.

avatar microcosm 2 hours ago
As a member of Microcosm for 4 years and a former partner of Joe Biel, I am sad to say that I no longer support Microcosm Publishing. I cannot support a group of people who so adamantly claim to oppose abuse, but in practice have let it continue for years. This abuse was perpetrated against me, and I have remained largely silent in hopes that Microcosm could be salvaged. I no longer believe this is possible.

With much love and thankfulness to all my wonderful zine friends that I’ve kept or made along the way,

-Sparky Taylor

avatar Derek Neuland 2 hours ago
“organizational refounding” sounds like “let’s try to dig ourselves out of the hole we’re in”

avatar pollyvomit 2 hours ago
I am really glad y’all have decided to work on this FINALLY and release a statement but this for something that has been going on for years that a lot of microcosm employees witnessed first hand, it really took y’all 5 years to work on your shit?

As someone who has worked in collectives for years, there is usually a understanding in the radical community and resources readily available (that even MICROCOSM HAS PUBLISHED) that talk about how to support survivors, and deal with the topics of transformative justice, accountability, anti oppression work, patriarchy, abuse, etc.

I know it’s not easy especially when people are involved in the same collectives/projects. but it NEEDS to be done, when abuse is happening IT IS ALL OF OUR JOBS AS COMMUNITY MEMBERS TO HELP STOP THE CYCLE AND SUPPORT SURVIVORS AND HELP AGGRESSORS CHANGE.

This whole situation from beginning to end is the perfect example of what happens when people of positions of power and privilege in the radical community are left in those positions and aren’t challenged because people refuse to support each other.

as a business that engages in the selling of radical leaning goods you have to practice what you preach, this just makes you look really bad and untrustworthy, like you’re just in it for the money.

also “As abuse creates cycles of hurt, it’s been easier for those involved to put up a wall for personal protection rather than create resources for healing” this sounds like victim blaming, while it’s up to survivors to state their needs and boundaries around the healing process you should respect their level of involvement. you can’t expect survivors to orchestrate an accountability process, such as you can’t expect a nonwhite person to teach a white person about anti racism, its not their fucking job. also using the word “accusing” makes it seem like you don’t believe that joe has committed abuse, its just in bad form.

but i wish y’all luck in what you do and hope that the collective thrives. if you need help with the collective side of things there is the US Federation of Worker Co-operatives. there are also resources in and around portland.

avatar alexwrekk 2 hours ago
I also find it ridiculously hilarious that my tattoo shows up next to my name when I post. So, I think I’ll do it again.

avatar alexwrekk 2 hours ago
So, are there only 3 “collective” members now?

So, is this the public statement or is the one posted here:http://anarchistnews.org/?q=node%2F13086 at the very end of last year? Is that one also valid? And why was it posted on that site?

Too little too late, indeed.

avatar punctual 2 hours ago
Dear Rio, Jessie, & Adam,
I don’t really understand why you can’t let Joe do some apologizing rather than letting him use your words as a scapegoat for those he should TAKE RESPONSIBILITY for.

You should expect to try to bandage some wounds, and you shouldn’t have to shoulder an apology on someone’s behalf (which equates to just the same amount of cowardice).

avatar Derek Neuland 3 hours agox
The term “too little too late” comes to mind. Also, if you’re all for transparency, why is there no mention of the fact that Joe Biel is still an employee at Microcosm.

Also, stop using the chainring heart design!

24 responses to “hello blog hit spike, thy name is microcosm/joe biel/abuse/alex wrekk/boycott… or any combination of them.

  1. Most of this debate is incoherent, here’s a basic question though:

    Why can’t someone who is accused of emotional abuse run a publishing and distribution company?

    It’s amazing that an incredibly low threshold for what constitutes abuse has been established and yet you find that the term ‘accuses’ is offensive to you.

    Obviously, if Joe Biel is guilty of exercising emotional manipulation then this IS meant as revenge. What are these posts, if not an attempt to exploit the opinions of a subculture of people that are so uptight and stupid that they will demand the destruction of the alleged abuser without hearing an opposing argument. If that’s progressive action then the status quo is superior.

    Too bad all this didn’t happen in court instead of in an online one-sided show trial.

    • The question isn’t about why someone can’t run a distro if they are emotionally abusive. The question is why should an emotionally abusive person who is a self proclaimed feminist and radical run a distro that sells and supports the very antithesis of what they are, it hypocritical. You may not be part of “a subculture of people that are so uptight and stupid”, but Joe is. Being a part of radical communities means we are responsible for our actions and we damn well better walk the walk if we are going to talk the talk. We all fuck up, that’s human. Radical communities strive to create avenues for accountability and Joe attempted this several times and failed. Again, you may not be part of the radical community. Joe considers himself part of a group of people and sell resources to people striving for anti-oppression yet he refuses to work on his own issues and continues to hurt people around him.

      • “Radical communities strive to create avenues for accountability.”

        I think the posts of people who don’t buy your story 100% are striving to create avenues for accountability. Are only those who disagree with you or look for more information to be held accountable?

        It’s weird, because you identify as “radical,” and I guess that means that you think that your way of doing things is better, more progressive, more evolved than American society’s? Yet you won’t even let people say the word “accuse” and you demand that we believe your claim entirely, and in the way that you are willing to provide it. The US justice system, which I presume you would say is white male, etc. actually has a *better, more fair approach* to justice than you do.

        Maybe radical doesn’t mean what you think it means. From what I can tell, it doesn’t mean your way or the highway. I think Kim Jong Il was a fan of that. You see questions about your serious claim as a threat. In an “open” and “collective” community, isn’t that kind of weird? Nobody has said, whoa, hey, wait a minute? Or does ideology trump reason in that community (from what I have seen: yes)? Rick Santorum applauds you.

        What would you do if Joe showed up and said, “Alex said this, and did this, and wouldn’t do that?” And a bunch of your ex-boyfriends, and people you have known, said, “Hey, yeah, she’s a real bitch.” Would you let it stand, as you expect us to let your allegation stand? Or would you and your henchwomyn demand proof, or argue about it? Wouldn’t that be too much like the patriarchal US justice system? Better let it stand. That way, you would at least be consistent, if not credible.

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  5. Without specific examples and proof, allegations are just that…..allegations. When a domestic split happens, usually there are negatives and some of those can be considered “abusive” by the people on what is considered the “losing” end of things. And just what is to be considered “abusive” must be questioned too. Many people have a low threshold and different ideas to just what is “abusive” and without naming exactly what is implied, we cannot jump on the lynching wagon. Microcosm has always been very good for us and others, and to not have this event because we were sent an email from the MARS people without naming people or proof, would be very group minded and quite ignorant. Therefore, Skullets DIY All Ages in Rapid City will go on with this event. We empathize with the people who oppose our position regarding this stance, but you offer us nothing substantial to get on board with your attempts to ruin Microcosm.

    Sincerely,

    Skullets DIY All Ages

    • Looks like you are on those people who have a special social math calculate that adds up good vs. bad paying extra special attention to what the good has been for you. If several failed mediation attempts and TWO past partners saying that Joe is abusive, not to mention a pile of unethical business practices isn’t enough for you then I don’t know what to say.

    • Dude, you “offer us nothing substantial” by your stubborn support and tolerance of this kind of behavior. Where are people supposed to go, if not to their community?

      I understand that they’re a business. Apparently when a venue reneged on this tour in light of these very issues, the company has the gall to still demand a guarantee, plus some, with a thinly veiled threat. (http://minnehahafreespace.org/2011/09/25/dinner-bikes-joe-biel-abuse/#comment-119) That shit is beyond ridiculous. Hopefully you don’t mind getting burned, or your neighbors, for that matter, for trying to do what is right. That’s what you’re giving your money to. So, thanks for nothing, I guess. Good lucky, pal. You may need it.

    • WTF? “Lynching wagon”? This is ridiculous indeed… as if it’s not enough to insult just survivors of abuse. By “all ages” do you mean “all ages white privileged men?”

      People and proof are right here – on this website. How much proof do you want? Photographic? Video? DNA evidence? A conviction in the racist, misogynist criminal injustice system? How much proof? Is it necessary for a survivor to relive everything she went through all over again, just for the sake of explaining it to you?

      One thing Alex and all survivors should be thanked for is that by having the courage to speak out, it reveals who are fighters for justice and who are mere scenesters — who will have one’s back in solidarity and who will not. Clearly y’all in Rapid City aren’t worth working with until you change – I’d suggest taking a timeout to listen to the survivors in your own community.

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  7. I’ve read all of this and I still don’t understand. . .what is this “abuse”? I’ve seen no examples in everything you have posted, just this broad allegation. You’re smearing the guy’s name all over the internet–the least you could do is say exactly what he did. Second, “safe space”? You’re really getting this guy kicked out of public venues when he wasn’t even physically abusive? What “safe space” do you need? Okay, like, there are people who have bullied and abused me, but crossing their paths in public is life. Who are you to determine where people may go in public, that they can’t follow their interests because their mere presence might make you upset? He didn’t break any laws, yet you have established this de facto restraining order and societal shunning. Seems pretty controlling to me. I’ve read your stuff on this issue, and it makes little sense. It’s vague and dramatic. You’re supposedly “public” about this issue, but there is actually very little that you’re making public except “I was emotionally abused and it caused a shakeup at Microcosm and I hate Joe Biel.” Okay. I think we get it. You could say that without the lengthy rants that essentially say the same thing every time (which is. . .nothing at all).

    Where’s Joe’s side? Has he expressed sorrow or regret for the things he said to you? Would he express that you said some pretty shitty things to him as well? You’re really self-righteous, like “I’m blameless” about this whole thing, but your story is fishy. I’m a victim (I hate the word “survivor,” it’s so victim-like) of every kind of abuse, and I understand the emotional, personality-changing horribleness of it all. I’m sorry you were abused. But that doesn’t give you a free pass to inhibit someone’s pursuit of happiness, especially when they have acknowledged their actions and are working to rectify it.

    I think the Microcosm people are also being vague, but they are also refraining from dragging your name through the mud. For that they get my respect. They probably could say lots about you. I bet you’re no angel.

  8. Oh, and furthermore: Who the hell are you to tell the internet what Joe’s therapist said to him? That is actually a federally-protected relationship. Do we have to establish “radical confidentiality” before you’re willing to keep mum about someone else’s mental health treatment? There are laws about that, you know. So. . .there is something that is legally actionable against you. Can we say the same for Joe? Who knows, you won’t say. But, if there’s not, the irony drips so thick.

    With regard to the above comment about “making a survivor relive her abuse,” well, I would say that when you talk about it in public over and over again, you’re pretty much opting in to reliving your abuse.

  9. Just saw some examples you posted of the “abuse” in another blog. . .making fun of you for drinking craft beer. Asking you to shower when you came home stinking of bar. Telling you not to leave the water running. Being passive-aggressive about couch covers (and who is to say that he didn’t feel unappreciated when you forced your choices on him)? Not being physically affectionate in times of relationship conflict.

    What I hear from that is: non-beer-snob. Someone who doesn’t like sleeping with someone who stinks. A smug conservationist. Passive-aggressive slob (you consider him not filling the saltshaker abuse? Sounds like you had a pretty common wife problem there). Man who was abused as a child having difficulty with physical affection (not uncommon). I don’t see any abuse in there at all, and I am further suspect of your story.

    And then the thing about his friend saying something about seeing you in porn? That is not “sexual harassment.” That is a stupid horny guy making a dumb comment. It happens. You can make a witty rejoinder or call him out or ignore him. You victimized yourself by deciding you were abused when that guy was being a tool, and by not standing up for yourself. People do shitty things sometimes, and that doesn’t necessarily mean it’s abuse. You abuse the word abuse with your laundry list of “examples.”

    You think you’ve never abused anybody? You probably do Critical Mass, right? By your criteria, the smug self-righteousness of cyclists who shut down roads and judge people who drive cars (the only option for some people), is abuse. You don’t like people who *drive cars* on the basis that they *drive cars.* Shitty shitty.

    As far as the tattoo, didn’t you know the consequences of getting a tattoo? Now you’re trying to get Microcosm to ditch their logo because you didn’t think ahead when you got a freaking tattoo of the logo?

    If what you experienced is “abuse,” then wow, I really wish I could have lived your life.

    You wrote at the end that you were just sharing your story with select friends or whatever. You. . .posted it on the internet.

    • You are so funny that this bothers you so much years after it happened. It is like you a missing the whole point that Joe claim/s to be part of a community that does care about these things. Joe consider(s/ed) himself a feminist and anarchist and one of those “self-righteousness of cyclists who shut down roads and judge people who drive cars” hell, he’s written zine and about it and worked on movies about it. He’s the one who admitted his experiences about therapy…strangely they have all disappeared from the internet.

      I don’t think that it logically follows that when someone gets a tattoos that it is expected that their tattoo would become a logo. Logos, unlike tattoos, can change.

      The point is that people should talk the talk, should walk the walk.

      • “You are so funny that this bothers you years after it happened.” I believe you responded to comments on this blog as late as last September? (and I’m sure there are more recent rants I’m missing elsewhere). Doesn’t seem the behavior of someone who is “over it.” You keep these smears up on the web instead of taking them down. So, you’re still harboring this and feel entirely correct in your position. By not removing these posts, you are keeping the debate alive indefinitely, so don’t mock me. You kept it open.

        FWIW, I had googled microcosm to find a publication and ran into the whole thing again. I had never commented and hadn’t seen some of this.

        No, I do get your point that “someone like that” shouldn’t be running a radical anarchist etc. But I’m saying that your argument is based on a questionable premise–that he was abusing you at all. I don’t see him (yet?) as “someone like that,” so I fail to see the hypocrisy. There are jerks of all political stripes.

        You agreed to the tattoo becoming a logo. Seems to me you still had naive ideas about “forever.” Why should microcosm pay for your idealism? Maybe you’re anti-copyright, but seems like you’re not into the free use of a painful reminder etched into your body. Speaking of hypocrites.

  10. Saw your tweet, kid. I think that to sum up my post as “emotional abuse isn’t real abuse” is pretty. . .well, it’s a lie. That is not what I am saying at all, and I would like you to show me where I said that emotional abuse is not real abuse. What I said was that the examples you listed do not sound like emotional abuse. That’s totally different. I would call emotional abuse if I saw it. Hounding you to conserve water is not emotional abuse, unless he said, “Turn off the water you fucking useless bitch” or something along those lines. Did he?

    You are running a public smear campaign and inhibiting someone’s free movement on the planet. Philosophically, you’re committing a civil liberties violation in the name of retribution and recruiting others to do the same. That’s really serious (and maybe balls-out anarchist, so kudos if that’s the case, for walking the walk). So I think you need to justify that severe punishment with some evidence. I don’t know, maybe anarchists don’t believe in innocent until proven guilty. Doesn’t mean the rest of us don’t have the right to call bullshit on parts of your story that don’t make sense. I understand the complexities of listening to the stories of people who have been abused, but that doesn’t mean that there are not sometimes exaggerations, inconsistencies, and outright lies in the stories of those people. You really want to ruin this guy, so you need to lay it all out. It’s at least respectful to the people you’re asking to be on your side. You’re telling people they have to believe you without telling them why. Maybe your best friend would say okay, but this is the world and we have no such obligation. Maybe one of us is Joe’s best friend!

    If this were an off-the-record local interpersonal quasi-private thing, I don’t think I would have re-visited my feelings about this. But you really have smeared him in front of the world, and he needs a fair shake. Maybe when that happened I would say she’s right, he’s so horrible. But those important details are missing, and I am erring on the side of innocent until proven guilty. I know, I am such a sheeple.

    I’m not sure how you’re going to tweet about this one. Maybe “Astrid doesn’t believe Anita Hill and she doesn’t believe me either”? Sounds just as manipulative as your last tweet.

    • Wow, you are such a defender of the downtrodden, sticking up for a guy with a known history of emotional abuse and manipulation (and not just of Alex, either). Do you spend much of your life trolling blogs to point out the “deficiencies and inconsistencies” of other people’s life experiences? That must keep you busy!

      • “A known history of emotional abuse and manipulation.”

        Well, that’s the sticking point here. It doesn’t look like he abused her at all! Poor widdle Alex had her feewings hurt by a big bad man so she smears him all over the web, gets him kicked out of public places, and tries to get everyone to shun him?

        How do you think this is okay?

        Okay, let’s say he DID abuse her. But by all accounts, he has acknowledged his dickish behavior and went to therapy for it! Does that mean he should still be *kicked out of public venues just because Alex says so*? There has to be a point where that stops. People get out of prison after 40 years for murder, but Joe doesn’t get to pursue his happiness after years and going to therapy because poor widdle Alex stomped her foot and said no?

        Sorry kids, but you don’t get to decide that because someone did something bad to someone that you get to fuck with their lives until they die.

        You talk about all this “radical” bullshit. . .how radical is it to never let a person recover from something they did wrong?

        I am not pointing out “deficiencies and inconsistencies” in her life experiences (although I must point out the deficiencies in your being able to use quotes correctly), I am pointing out the deficiencies and inconsistencies in her bullshit. What she is saying is bullshit.

        As far as “trolling blogs,” well. . .Alex has trolled Joe’s LIFE and has kept herself quite busy doing it, so I would back off on your snotty comments there.

        Tell me, Caitlin. . .is it fun being a minion of Duchess Alex Wrekk? Can you think for yourself? I know I have never heard of you.

  11. “You’re telling people they have to believe you without telling them why. ”
    You are correct. I do not need so called proof. Why don’t you go read victim blaming 101 and try to take Joe off that pedestal yr putting him on.
    “But those important details are missing, and I am erring on the side of innocent until proven guilty. I know, I am such a sheeple”.
    Yes, yes you are.
    It’s incredibly brave and difficult to call out an abuser in radical communities but we see there is no difference that in mainstream society, victim blaming, demanding to see proof, belittling of a person’s OWN EXPERIENCES and please, with that tripe of talking about abuse being akin to wanting to relive abuse. where would we be if we didn’t talk about the abuse that goes on in open and public forums (the zine/distro community) with characters that have public personas. You’d like it to be swept under the rug, I mean, have you read zines lately? Do you understand the premise?

    • You seriously think I’m a conformist because I believe in innocent until proven guilty? Okay, there is something seriously wrong with you. Okay, how about this: Noemi Martinez is an abusive bitch. She has an anonymous blog filled with nasty comments about other people in the community. She said really terrible things about me!

      What, you want proof? I don’t need to give you proof! What I say goes and you have to believe me or you are a victim-blamer!

      I did not at any time “belittle” anyone’s experience. I said that to say that the experiences she cited are abuse is total bullshit. I mean seriously. . .making fun of her for drinking craft beer? When her attitude about “mainstream” beer is totally snotty? Pot, kettle.

      As far as “talking about something openly,” I have not ever seen as much non-openness in a supposedly open discussion.

      You just bow down to this girl without questioning anything she says. Who’s the sheeple, sweetie?

    • Also, I have never “blamed the victim.” First you have to establish that there is a victim, which I’m not sure there was. Second, even if she was a victim, where is the blame? I’m not blaming her for her victimhood. I’m blaming her for trying to destroy someone’s life. If she was abused, what happened to her was not her fault. But her continued slander and societal control of Joe, who has tried to change, is without defense.

      This idea that you don’t ever question someone who says they were abused is dangerous. Even Child Protective Services investigates! And the idea that I’m somehow a victim-blamer for requiring clarification of a vague story reflects some seriously undeveloped thinking on your part. She expects me to hate Joe, to join her in this shunning. That’s a pretty serious request, and if you want me to entertain that request, you better have some pretty serious evidence behind it. That’s not victim-blaming. That’s someone who can think for themselves.

  12. Astrid, I don’t know if you will ever read this, but your posts make me nauseous reading them. I don’t know what your politics are, but I’m deeply concerned about why you are spending so much time and energy defending Joe. The venom and derision you are spitting out makes me wonder what you are repressing, or what you are really, actually, angry about. And why you are taking it out on Alex…
    Survivors, or people who have had shitty/abusive experiences with partners/whatever, have a hard time enough as it is, dealing with the realisations and dramatic change and post-trauma, and a whole buncha other things that come after normalising shitty treatment. It’s absolutely fucked up that they would have to fend off the likes of you as well. I’m totally astounded by your misdirected rage.
    Analogy: If someone felt discriminated against (for example, being Jewish) and told you about it, would you ask for proof, tell them they are overreacting, mock them for being whiny, then get angry whilst defending the absent bigot? If so, then I guess there ain’t nothing more to say here. I’m just shocked at how mean you come across. It’s. Messed. Up.

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